3 Types of Chronic Illness Acceptance

The Comical Colon

4 years ago

Silhouette of woman spinning and dancing before the sunset

This Crohn’s & Colitis Awareness Week, I want to discuss the topic of chronic illness acceptance.

Personally, I believe accepting your illness isn’t something you do just once, but over and over again. And from personal experience, I think there are different types of acceptance, too.

Let’s dive in!

Three Types of Acceptance

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about what it meant to accept a chronic illness, and I’ve concluded that I believe there are three different types of acceptance.

Type 1: Your disease is here to stay

One type is understanding that nothing you do or what medication you take will take the disease away. This type of acceptance is realizing your chronic illness is now a part of you. As harsh as that sounds, honestly, I find something very liberating in this. It’s evidence that you’ve exited the “bargaining” stage of the grief cycle.

I experienced this in February 2015—about five months after my IBD diagnosis. I had failed every oral medication, and I needed to be put on Remicade. Those Remicade infusions created the epiphany that my ulcerative colitis was here to stay—even if it’s in remission.

Type 2: Learning to love your new self

The second type of acceptance is learning to love your new self and understanding your new normal; to love yourself despite the things your illness has changed or taken away. This form of acceptance can be extremely difficult, mostly because it’s easy to feel angry and hateful when you’re in pain or a flare.

I experienced this second form of acceptance when I was released from the hospital in August 2018. I had lost at least 10 pounds, which for me, was a lot. I’m an ectomorph which means I don’t carry much fat, so all the weight I lost was muscle. It significantly weakened my arms and legs, making them look even more gangly than normal.

When I returned home, I was so weak I could barely walk. I knew I needed to gain back my strength, so I started exercising.

At first, it was just from our mailbox and back. Then, it evolved to walking around portions of our apartment complex. Then, I went around our entire complex, taking breaks at each picnic table I could find, huffing and puffing.

I was so angry. All I could think about was the muscle I had lost and all the workouts I had done in vain.

But then I realized this was an opportunity to grow stronger. To watch myself build my muscle back. To search for the beauty in the rebirth.

I realized I may never be as strong as I once was and I may never have as much energy as I once had BUT I could not live in the past, dwelling on who I once was. This is me now. This is who I am, and I am alive.

Type 3: Moving beyond yourself

The third form of chronic illness acceptance I’ve thought about is what I call submitting to your disease. Let me be clear, I do not mean giving up or letting your disease rule over you. What I do mean is that you accept the place your disease has in your life and you try to make something good come out of it.

Maybe you decide to become a patient advocate. Maybe you start a blog, vlog, podcast, or write a book to share what you’ve learned and to encourage others. I’d equate this level of acceptance to the self-actualization tier (the highest one) in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Oftentimes, these moments of acceptance are significant life moments. One of mine was in March 2018 when I launched The Comical Colon. This was my first step into patient advocacy and turning my pain into purpose. I believe this level of acceptance is the humble acknowledgment that your disease isn’t just about you anymore; it’s about sharing your experience to help others. It is acknowledgment plus action.

Acceptance Isn’t a One-Time Thing

Lastly, acceptance isn’t necessarily something you do just once. I don’t believe people have a single moment of acceptance, but many. There is no limit or order or clearly-defined path to accepting your illness. We just need to keep moving forward, keep fighting every day, and the moments will present themselves.